PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
