I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
