i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
