Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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