dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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