fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
