If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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