I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
