he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
