her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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