it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
