we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
