I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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