Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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