My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
