Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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