More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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