is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
