I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
