I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
