We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize