I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
