Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
