He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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