Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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