are you so shy because you have an std?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
