16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
