Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
