seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
