she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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