i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
