i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
