You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
