under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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