Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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