Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Are my feet made of real feet?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
