I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
