it hurts more in the daytime
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
