i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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