Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Lo siento on account of my penis...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
