I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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