I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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