she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
