I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
