I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
