You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
