I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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