I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
