Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
