no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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