As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
