My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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