Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
