Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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