I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
